One year ago today I had an echocardiogram. My doctor had treated me for acute bronchitis for seven weeks but I was not getting better. My friend Sharon offered to go with me so we could get lunch after and catch up with one another. The thing is, the test revealed I was in congestive heart failure and seriously so. You can read that story at in several prior posts about my recovery process.
Today, as I reflect on this past year I am in awe of the healing process. I honestly didn’t think I would be alive to write today. I am so grateful! I have recovered beyond what my doctors ever thought was possible. I can only point to what I have experienced that I believe attributes to my recovery.
My husband. Rich kicked into absolute care mode. He was working full-time when I came home from the hospital. He would make sure I had what I needed (sometimes this meant a caregiver in his absence) and then he would come home, cook a heart healthy dinner and clean the kitchen! He made sure that I had a safe and stress-free space to recover. One of the gifts I have found due to my health crisis and recovery is how strong our marriage has become in the midst of hugely hard circumstances. I cannot express how much I love this man. He is a good, good man!
Our kids and extended family. Our adult children surrounded us with love and care. They were there for whatever we needed. To this day they FaceTime me almost daily. The best was bringing the grandchildren to see me often – this made my heart happy with each visit! My sister and cousins too brought so much care, love and support. My cousins are like siblings. We grew up together and shared in the same large and sometimes lunatic Italian family. They enveloped Rich and me and our kids with love, wisdom, comic relief, prayers and so much more.
Our friends near and far and our faith community, local and beyond. I put these two together even though many of my friends are not a part of our faith community. The amount of support we have had this past year from near and far encompasses practical things like meals, house cleaners, rides to the doctor and other places (I could not drive for six months), gifts, cards, jokes, good, good company through so many tears and so much confusion, prayer, prayer and more prayer, financial assistance in the midst of so much transition, I could go on and on. Our friends and church family are the true riches in my life. They like Rich and our kids stepped in and did all they could to help eliminate stress in my life and for some they did this at personal cost. Another gift I have received this past year – the gift of receiving (this has been tremendously hard for me) and experiencing firsthand the generosity of others. I could write an entire post on just what it means to be on the receiving end of so much. There is so much powerlessness, surrender and trust involved. I have never experienced such an outpouring of so much goodness, love and kindness in my life as I have in this past year. My heart could not help but to come back to life!
My Guides. Guides through this past year have come in many forms. My therapist has been a healing voice and presence over and over. He has listened to me cry, sob, rage, cuss, and has helped me make sense of things that really make no sense at all. And by making sense of it I mean practicing letting go of the things I am powerless over. A surrendering at the deepest level of surrender I have ever had to do. The gift of surrender has left me at peace because for me surrender means letting go and trusting in the God I love. Trusting that God really has me, cares for me, loves me. What I came face to face with is the fact that I know I am not afraid to die. I know that the God I love is just that, LOVE and to be embraced by that LOVE as I leave this life has given me peace and the ability to surrender. So many other guides too. My friend from Southern California that I met just two years ago at a Society of Vineyard Scholars gathering. He had prayed for me there and became a trusted guide over what unfolded these past two years. I could not be more grateful for the gift he has been in my life. Women that helped me process the trauma, books, poetry and art that spoke to me and gave me hope—so many guides, so many gifts!
Today as I reflect on this past year with all the change, losses, gifts and love I have experienced I simply look up and say, “Thank You.”
“Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal.” Crowder